Nigel Tween

Displaying God’s love to those who feel suicidal

More than 6,600 people took their own lives in 2021. In the face of this sobering statistic, Nigel Tween, Elim’s Director of Chaplaincy, explores one of society’s greatest challenges

Over the years, I have walked with parents and families who have experienced the pain of suicide. I have also found myself drawn to others who have experienced this loss. I have a friend who periodically succumbs to psychosis and feels compelled to take his own life. In a society of chaos and despair, it’s almost impossible not to be touched by the tragedy of suicide.

Suicide: the big picture According to the Office of National Statistics, there were 5,583 suicides registered in England and Wales in 2021, with a further 753 in Scotland and 347 in Northern Ireland. Several factors are believed to lie behind these grim statistics:

Men at risk

Since around 1990, men have been at least three times as vulnerable to death from suicide as women. Research by the Samaritans suggests this “is due to a complex set of reasons, including increased family breakdown leaving more men living alone; the decline of many traditionally maledominated industries; and social expectations about masculinity.”

Relationship breakdown

Relationship breakdown can also contribute to suicide risk. The greatest threat is among divorced men, who in 2015 were almost three times more likely to end their lives than men who were married or in a civil partnership.

Deprivation

People who live in more deprived areas where there is less access to services, work and education are more at risk. People in the most deprived 10% of society are more than twice as likely to die from suicide than those in the least deprived 10%.

Occupational risks

People who work as carers, in the arts or are low-skilled workers are at significantly higher risk, according to a recent study of suicide by occupation in England. Men who work as skilled manual workers show a higher likelihood, as do female nurses and nursery and primary school teachers.

Age-related risks

Suicide rates are highest among people aged 45-49. They decrease until 80- 84, after which they rise again, for both men and women. Many factors contribute to these rates among older people, such as psychiatric illness, deterioration of physical health and other social factors.

How you can respond

With such high suicide rates around us, we need to know how to respond. Let’s first look at the biblical perspective.

We need sensible wisdom about suicide that comes from Jesus and from God’s grace.

I have heard people say that a person who takes their own life is separated from God, cannot be forgiven or, even worse, is destined for hell. This does not reflect the teachings of Jesus or the Bible. Listen to the message in Romans 8:35-39, for example. Nothing can separate us from God’s love – not even suicide.

There are a few biblical accounts of suicide, and in these, it is interesting to note that in them, no judgment is passed. Samson took his own life when God gave him supernatural strength to push down the pillars of the Temple of Dagon, for example. Yet his general faith is praised in Hebrews chapter 11.

Jesus reveals that God is approachable, forgiving, loving, merciful and willing to come down to our level. So how can we recognise when people are struggling with suicidal thoughts and demonstrate God’s love and support them?

1. Stay close

People who are suicidal are often desperately lonely. Suicide prevention begins with caring enough to notice when something goes awry, by loving our neighbours, being involved and asking how people are doing.

2. Spot the warning signs

While suicide is hard to predict, certain signs can alert you to this risk. These include:

• worsening mental health problems (e.g. depression, anxiety)
• reckless behaviour (e.g. increased substance use)
• social withdrawal
• decreased hygiene
• talking or writing about death
• threatening to kill oneself

3. Start a conversation

If someone’s behaviour concerns you, have a caring and non-judgmental conversation in private. Experts agree you should ask directly if they are considering suicide. Studies show this doesn’t “put the idea” in someone’s head. In fact, most people are relieved when someone brings up the topic.

Don’t argue, minimise pain or offer advice. Just listen and be present. If someone asks you to keep their suicidal thoughts a secret, however, kindly but firmly decline.

4. Ask questions

If a person indicates suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to determine the severity. Ask questions about plan, means, and intent:

• Do they have a plan to commit suicide?
• Do they have the means to kill themself?
• Do they intend to kill themself? If someone describes passive thoughts of wanting to die but denies a plan, means, or actual intent, encourage them to seek treatment and offer to contact a doctor or therapist.

Stay involved and follow up regularly to offer support. But if someone describes active suicidal thoughts, a clear plan and available means, do not leave them. They need to be taken to hospital.

5. Get trained

I recommend churches offer simple training on how to support individuals troubled by suicidal thoughts and anyone affected by suicide. The tragedy of suicide extends beyond victims to hurt friends and loved ones, and when someone is grieving, the need for hope is especially great.

Are you at risk?

If you are considering taking your own life, hear me clearly: at this time your reasoning may be influenced by something else, but you will not always feel this way.

Pick up the phone now – ring a friend or a pastor. There can be a new life and a better day for you.

Sources of support

• Mental Health Access – a Christian website designed to help churches support those struggling with mental health issues, including suicide.

• Papyrus Hopeline UK - available on 0800 068 4141 for children and those under 35.

• The Samaritans – call 116 123, available 24/7 to listen and talk.

• Shout – a free text service for anyone in crisis. Text shout to 85258 at any time.

• Kooth – offers mental health support and advice for 11-19-year-olds.

• CALM – a helpline available from 5pm to midnight, 365 days a year on 0800 58 58 58.

• Zero Suicide Alliance Training – this free 20-minute online course from the Royal College of Nursing provides skills and confidence to have a potentially life-saving conversation.

This article first appeared in the December 2022 edition of Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.

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