Elim Coventry’s Belong conference
It’s all about asking simple questions!
Being inclusive of people with additional needs doesn’t have to be complicated, says conference speaker Bev Samways
Most churches with a children’s or youth ministry will have someone with additional needs among their young people, says Bev Samways, who spoke at Elim Coventry’s Belong conference for those supporting children and young people with additional needs in churches. The first step is for a church to look at their particular situation, she says. “We can think that we are trying to work out how we include ‘autistic children’ or ‘children with ADHD’ when that is rarely what anyone is actually trying to do.
“In an average-sized church, a team may have one or two children with additional needs, or maybe five in a larger congregation. So the first question is not ‘how do we include children with autism or ADHD?’ but ‘how do we include this child?’”
What are their strengths?
“I’d really encourage churches to adopt a strengths-based model of inclusion rather than a deficit-based one,” says Bev. “Put simply, that means asking the right questions.” A deficit-based model asks, ‘Can you tell me about your child’s condition?’, ‘What does your child find difficult?’, ‘What are we not going to be able to do with them?’ “This places the problem inside the child and the answers leave you with a lot of information that doesn’t really tell you anything about them or how to help them.”
On the other hand, a strength-based model asks, ‘What does your child enjoy doing?’, ‘What are they good at?’, ‘If they get upset what helps them calm down?’
“When we ask about strengths it completely changes the focus. These questions give you the information you need to include the child. It also show parents that you want to get to know the child.
“Knowing a child likes to colour or be on the move means you can partner them with a team member or another child who likes to draw or to move around too; someone who can facilitate their strengths, joys and interests.”
How can we include you in church?
The likelihood is that adults with autism or learning disabilities have had lots of belittling experiences.
In order to include them in our communities rather than relegate them to the sidelines or treat them like children we can adopt the same approach, says Bev.
“The same strength-based approach works – ‘What do you love doing?’, ‘What are you good at?’, ‘What do you need?’
“We can also set reasonable expectations and boundaries: ‘We want to help you be part of church and be part of this service – come and join in with us; if things get too much for you, you can use the foyer for a break.’”
How can we support parents?
One of the biggest concerns for parents of children with additional needs is they have few opportunities for downtime, says Bev. Holiday clubs or babysitters are often out of bounds. Family life can become all-consuming, causing parents to burn out or live on the margins of church.
That’s why we need to help and show that church life is inclusive.
“It’s quite common at Elim Coventry for parents with children with additional needs to attend an adult Bible study or worship night at church mid-week, and bring their child with them.
“We might have a young person who is pacing the room throughout the evening, or jumping and vocalising during worship. It’s quite likely they are taking in much more than they appear to be.
“And having people engaging differently has become more ordinary for us – no-one tries to get the person to sit down or says they’re disruptive. This allows the parents to have opportunities to join adult Bible study or worship, having adult conversations, and knowing their child is accepted and belongs.”
Do we need training?
“I don’t think churches need to start with training or getting a specialist in,” says Bev.
“If you’ve got five or ten kids with additional needs, then training is probably helpful once a year, because training helps with big-picture ideas.
“But if you’re thinking about how to include one or two children with additional needs, start with finding out about them; what they and their families need. Find some small wins for you and your team – these will be big wins for the child and the family.”
What about the other children?
Having children with additional needs around is healthy for their peers, says Bev. “It helps them learn that ordinary life means being with people who think, function, respond and learn differently.
“If you have a child who’s disruptive or has meltdowns, that’s okay. Just talk to the children about it, explain what’s happening and that we might do things differently with that child to help them be part of our community.”
But won’t the other children end up copying their behaviour?
“No – we find they don’t – because they can identify it’s coming from a different place,” says Bev.
“But it does teach a useful lesson. The reality is, different people need different boundaries, expectations and goals. ‘Fair’ does not mean everyone has everything the same – sometimes fair means we have different starting points and different end goals.”
How to connect with non-verbal people
Bev runs a social enterprise called Unique Connections which works with schools and organisations supporting young people with severe learning disabilities and autism, and those who self-injure. At Belong she explored how to connect with non-verbal children and adults. Here’s some of her advice:
We are made for connection. Our primary purpose is to connect with God and those around us – there are no exceptions.
Sometimes we meet a child or adult who looks like that isn’t true for them – they’re not making eye contact; they don’t like physical contact; they don’t speak; they don’t look interested in the people around them.
In these situations we have to hold onto this truth and persist in finding a place of connection. It is there!
If you want to find places of connection with non-verbal children, these tips can help:
Firstly, the absence of speech doesn’t indicate a person’s intelligence. So don’t limit the possibilities for them! Secondly, when you’re with a child, talking about them rather than to them tells them they’re not expected to interact. So talk to them, even if you feel like you get no response.
Thirdly, during the first two years of our lives our deepest relationships are non-verbal.
We all know how to communicate non-verbally, we just have to remember it again – you already have much more in common with a non-speaking child than you think.
This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.
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