Don’t be nervous... it’s good to talk

Ishbel Straker is a Consultant Psychiatric Nurse and one of her passions is the mental well-being within ministry. She has been working with Elim developing this provision for nearly three years and it continues to grow

Ishbel is the Founder and CEO of I Straker
Consultants, a mental health service

If I had a pound for every time a pastor told me they were fine speaking in public, give them a room of 1,000 over the intimacy of a 1:1 any day of the week, then I would be a millionaire! How normal it seems to be abnormally anxious about having intimate conversations with people when the role someone undertakes as a minister is to shepherd people closely.

Some reading this may be thinking that this is ridiculous, but sadly it’s true. I do not feel that it is ridiculous, but what I do think is how sad it is that so many feel it’s an acceptable position to live in.

Anxiety, a normal emotional state, is something I want to dispel. To feel anxious about a situation can be normal – I don’t want people to assume all anxiety is abnormal. However, anxiety can be misinterpreted when it’s excitement or apprehension at a situation, as opposed to a feeling of fear of incompetence.

Change the name

How do we differentiate this? Well, do you need to? Can we not simply make a decision ourselves as to how we label an emotion – is this not empowering in itself? If we re-label the feeling of anxiety as apprehension, we are empowered to manage it how we choose; when we are apprehensive or excited, we move through this differently.

Find the positives

The second point is that we don’t have to feel this forever. Yes, you heard correctly. You don’t have to feel anxious about 1:1 communication, you can move through this emotion also. How? By doing the one thing you don’t want to do, which is practising the behaviour you fear and reflecting on the positives. Even if those positives were minuscule, you can reflect on them. Consider the fear you had before the event and think about whether it was as bad as you anticipated when the situation was over.

Keep practising

Thirdly, be kind to yourself. Simply because this is your calling does not make you an expert. Practice makes… better. You are supporting difficult, broken and unpredictable situations which aren’t always going to go according to the Ministers’ Handbook. This in itself tends to provoke anxiety, but that shouldn’t stop you from continuing to try.

Finally, remember that most people struggle with this; it’s not simply a natural gift. It’s something that those who don’t avoid it practise until they feel less anxious, and it becomes easier over time as we become less critical of ourselves.

So, don’t fear it; embrace it and be free to be imperfect – it’s our natural form.

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.

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