Four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and twelve for growth

When things go wrong, the Bible shows that a simple hug can make all the difference, writes Eric Gaudion

Eric Gaudion

I spent a few days as a patient in my local hospital recently and watched a very moving scene. My bed was near the nursing station, and opposite me was a bay containing several patients, among them a couple of elderly men obviously struggling with the effects of dementia. One of them was very vocal, night and day, much to the annoyance of others. He was also quite mobile, wandering the unit and bothering staff and patients alike in his confusion.

One morning, he was tottering unsteadily beside his bed, obviously trying to dress himself and failing to manage the buttons on a shirt. I watched as a young nurse, dressed in the dark blue of a senior staff nurse, placed herself directly in front of him, taking the time to button up each one of them for him. Unexpectedly, she then reached out to embrace him and hugged him at length as if he were her own father! I was deeply moved by the demonstration of such love from this skilled professional, and the patient seemed strangely quietened and comforted by it, too. The hug was not prescribed medicine, but it did appear to be effective. It was care without reserve, compassion without embarrassment.

Human beings thrive on physical connections, and hugging is one of the most powerful ways to show physical support. Babies do well when they are touched and held. It appears that there is no better way of showing them our love and care, helping them to feel protected and cherished. This continues through life, even though the traditional British stiff upper lip of years ago played down the importance of outward displays of affection. Of course, every hug should be freely given and received and should never involve coercion or embarrassment. Perhaps a polite ‘do you mind if I give you a hug?’ would help to avoid either.

Some studies have shown that hugging and being hugged can relieve stress levels, even lowering blood pressure. It can also boost self-esteem at all stages in life, and in the case of this particular nurse, she even managed to convey her compassion and love when the normal faculties had been reduced by the scourge of dementia. A hug can also communicate feelings of safety, love, and connection to a greater community. When we are feeling down or lost, a hug can help ground us and remind us that we belong.

Hugging improves relationships. This is largely because it is another form of communication that can transmit messages and feelings that words can’t. It’s a deeper, more intimate level of connection that you simply don’t get from talking. Barbara Johnson, in her book ‘Splashes of Joy’ even suggested that we need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and twelve for growth!

The Bible has a lot to say about hugging. When brothers Jacob and Esau had been through a major breach, falling out over their inheritance, their emotional reconciliation was sealed with a hug in Genesis 33:4. The same happened when Joseph was reunited with the brothers who had betrayed him into slavery in Egypt – he could not refrain from hugging them, Gen 45:14-15. When St Paul was leaving Ephesus for the last time in the book of Acts, a whole lot of people lined up to hug him (Acts 20:37).

But the best portrayal of the power of hugging comes from Jesus himself. He told the story of a young man who took his share of his father’s money and wasted it in a far country with a binge of extravagant and reckless living. Finally, he ended up penniless, working for a pig farmer. When he came to his senses in the pigsty, he realised that he needed to go home to his father but was really scared about how he would be received. While he was still a long way off, however, his father saw him and ran to hug his rebellious boy. The embrace of forgiveness and acceptance was enough to change the young man forever (Luke 15:20).

Maybe we should all wear a badge saying, ‘I need a hug today’!

This article first appeared in Direction Magazine. For further details, please click here.

Enjoy this article? Don't forget to share