Escaping the comparison trap

“Comparison is an identity thief, a friendship killer and a confidence stealer”, says writes Georgina Vernon.

We all know someone who has a beautiful home that looks like no one lives there.

You know the type, where you walk around with your mouth open wishing you had their artistic interior design flair, or the same ability they have to match the wall coverings with the carpet and soft furnishings.

Well, coming from a busy household of six plus dog, you need to know that our home never looks like this.

And whenever I enter such a home, I immediately feel those flashes of comparison – my mind reeling as to how anyone could possibly have the time and energy to live in such a perfectly groomed house.

The reality is that there’s no motivator quite like the prospect of someone coming to visit that will cause you to grab the hoover and that can of furniture polish, and the owner of that beautiful home has quite likely whizzed around like a maniac to create that show-house look just in time for your arrival.

But why do we feel the need to compare? And the need to impress?

As females we have this hidden, built-in system deep within us, so that subconsciously, continually and sometimes obsessively we compare ourselves to others.

It’s something we often can’t turn on or off – it almost has a life of its own. But we know it’s there, feeding us with the lie that we are less and others are more; that we are not enough, and others are more than enough.

I love her hair; why can’t mine look like that?

I love her shoes; I wish I had those.

I love the way she has so much confidence; I wish I had her boldness.

She seems so spiritual; I wish I had the closeness with God that she seems to have.

The list goes on and on...

Comparison is a trap and comes at a price. Envy, comparison and jealousy are, at the end of the day, sinful attitudes to have tucked away in our hearts.

They are no lesser on the sin ‘scale’ than murder, adultery and stealing, yet we seem to list them as lesser sins, meaning we don’t have to worry about them.

The truth is, there is no sin scale. All sin separates us from God (and God does not categorise it, sin is sin), so we need to address it and get rid of it for good.

Comparison is an identity thief, a friendship killer and a confidence stealer that kills us from the inside out.

It robs our joy and fills our minds with lies, and comes ultimately from a place of insecurity in who we are. We constantly measure ourselves up against those around us.

When we keep our eyes on others our focus is horizontal, but we were created to focus our eyes upwards – to our Creator in whom our identity is found.

Psalm 139 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Let’s choose to measure ourselves against God’s standard. Let’s remember we are uniquely made in God’s image and made so wonderfully and intricately that there is no one else like us – and nor will there ever be.

Georgina Vernon is married to Richard and together they lead Lakeside Church in Southport. They have four children.

First published in the February 2022 issue of Direction, Elim’s monthly magazine. Subscribe now to get Direction delivered to your home.

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